Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just pynch a tree in the face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
