ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
