She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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