I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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