theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am one with the molecules
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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