I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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