i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
