i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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