okay pat passed out under dana's car
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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