Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
