Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
