Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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