guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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