Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
