K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
