So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
