is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
