Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
