dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize