A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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