You're a womanizer and a bitch.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
