you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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