hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
