i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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