counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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