How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
