he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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