my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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