Who wears a wallet chain?!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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