I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.