Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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