Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.

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  (404): Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one. http://tfl.nu/q7a8
  Replies (2) Good night (2691) Bad night (471)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.

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  (864): The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/rxu2
  Replies (21) Good night (2685) Bad night (619)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.

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  (815): It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/1u0t
  Replies (14) Good night (2639) Bad night (963)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

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  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (8347) Bad night (784)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

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  (314): I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today. http://tfl.nu/ix6a
  Replies (44) Good night (6966) Bad night (1247)
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  (408): View more from California

  you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"

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  (408): you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later" http://tfl.nu/6byl
  Replies (14) Good night (7425) Bad night (976)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's shedding

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  I told you penises don't tan

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  (912): It's shedding (1-912): I told you penises don't tan http://tfl.nu/7fx9
  Replies (43) Good night (1362) Bad night (10129)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Is he smart?

  (1-952): View more from Minnesota

  Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.

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  (952): Is he smart? (1-952): Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/hxnn
  Replies (20) Good night (5932) Bad night (1095)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.

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  (662): Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing. http://tfl.nu/08ze
  Replies (10) Good night (739) Bad night (3464)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

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  (+44): Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand. http://tfl.nu/fdqs
  Replies (22) Good night (8594) Bad night (812)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

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  (505): new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse. http://tfl.nu/qxpq
  Replies (6) Good night (2485) Bad night (682)
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  (310): View more from California

  Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

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  (310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4
  Replies (10) Good night (4306) Bad night (795)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.

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  (608): She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism. http://tfl.nu/czkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1704) Bad night (557)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.

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  (619): Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit. http://tfl.nu/5rch
  Replies (17) Good night (948) Bad night (3193)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.

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  (815): All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time. http://tfl.nu/0jym
  Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (857)

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