Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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  (415): From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle. http://tfl.nu/bjh3
  Replies (5) Good night (1017) Bad night (3000)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!

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  (734): SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO! http://tfl.nu/43s5
  Replies (100) Good night (1055) Bad night (22471)
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  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

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  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
  Replies (34) Good night (8468) Bad night (898)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

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  (636): I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high http://tfl.nu/wyfj
  Replies (16) Good night (4644) Bad night (2077)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

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  (267): Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams. http://tfl.nu/lmv8
  Replies (21) Good night (4527) Bad night (1165)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.

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  (443): Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere. http://tfl.nu/ui38
  Replies (20) Good night (1331) Bad night (3736)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT

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  (+44): He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT http://tfl.nu/lhny
  Replies (11) Good night (1729) Bad night (482)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.

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  (317): Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing. http://tfl.nu/j9h2
  Replies (16) Good night (1769) Bad night (585)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.

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  (856): I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help. http://tfl.nu/4hfj
  Replies (1) Good night (553) Bad night (1406)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session

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  (563): Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session http://tfl.nu/02xz
  Replies (2) Good night (580) Bad night (902)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.

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  (678): You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes. http://tfl.nu/g0jp
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (658)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk

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  (780): Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/rb5a
  Replies (4) Good night (1941) Bad night (427)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later

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  (919): That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later http://tfl.nu/qro9
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (235)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.

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  (678): i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie. http://tfl.nu/fnuq
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (372)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness

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  (425): Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness http://tfl.nu/fsz0
  Replies (0) Good night (201) Bad night (84)

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