so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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