Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's no shave November. This is our time.