I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
