she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
