this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
