Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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