sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
