I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
