In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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