so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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