i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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