absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
