9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
