So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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