so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
