Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
