I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
