She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
