We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
as a side note pls kill me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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