I just made out with a guy for $7.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
