You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
