Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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