so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
