I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
