If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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