She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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