whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
