Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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