I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
