i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
