If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
