The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
