My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
