I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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