dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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