someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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