hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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