Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
