i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
