Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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