Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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