How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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