Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
