Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
