So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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