I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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