what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
