I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
