I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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