But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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