i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
