bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
