K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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