Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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